


hold my hand in the middle of a crisis

by lostinthesounds



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, a sprinkle of angst, exes to lovers briefly, flash forward to bellarke wedding, high school based sort of, hopefully some of you like this, jake dies and clarke needs comfort, they never fell out of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23778373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinthesounds/pseuds/lostinthesounds
Summary: "Stay the night?" She mumbled in his ear before moving to kiss down his jaw."I'd never leave," Bellamy said, hand slipping under her shirt to rub her skin with the tips of his fingers. "You have me for a long time."She thinks of her father, and how much she misses him, but she's looking towards the future with the memories she has of her family as a whole."Good." Clarke didn't want to cry anymore, so she smiles.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 74





	hold my hand in the middle of a crisis

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if this is any good, but I really did love this idea a lot so I decided to publish. thank you to anyone who reads!! it's always appreciated and I hope everyone is staying safe <3

Clarke knows it's stupid to let her anxiety get to her, especially over some _equally_ stupid final exam for Chemistry. She had missed two whole weeks of class to sit at her sick father's bedside in the hospital when she knew there was no hope left for him to survive, and she wanted to spend every moment with him while clutching to both of her parent's hands. Her mother had handled her emotions better, a trait that Clarke wish she had when she cringed thinking about screaming for her father to come back to life. Just for one last second, for one last goodbye. 

When Bellamy reaches for her as she stumbles out of her father's room, she's stuck in a daze of grief and shock, and her heart seems to know exactly what she wants. So she doesn't push him away when he pulls her impossibly close, foot tucked behind her feel to keep her from stumbling backwards as she sobs, and he's whispering in her ear with a cracked voice. 

"It's okay, Clarke." He tries to tell her, reaching for one of her hands to press roughly against his beating heart. She was spiralli quickly, and she couldn't see clearly so he needed to prove he was truly in front of her without relying on his words. "I'm here, and I'm not leaving. _I'm here._ " 

It might be a selfish ask, especially since she broke his heart by pushing him away when her father first got diagnosed, but she clutches his green flannel tightly. "Don't leave me, please, Bell. I don't want you to go too." 

He sighs, but it sounds broken and distant to her numb ears. "I don't know what to say to make you feel better, but I'm not gonna leave you or your mom tonight." His hand cradles the back of her neck, their foreheads pressed together. He's close to tears himself, avoiding looking into her father's room. "I have to text my mom to let her know, if that's okay." 

She can't see, her knuckles ached, and a piece of her heart was missing. 

"Okay," Clarke croaked, resting her head against his shoulder to catch her breath. The tears felt like they wouldn't stop, and her throat was burning. "Can I hold your hand?" She asked him suddenly not feeling brave enough to pull away from any touch he would offer to give her. "I just wanna hold you, Bell." 

He nods his head, fingers trailing up and down her arm before interlocking their hands and squeezing hard. Bellamy begins to pull her away from her father's body covered by a thin white sheet, he takes her away from her mother who's wiping away tears while talking to the doctor about the funeral.

_It feels wrong_. 

All of it. 

When her mother tells her that she had to stay a while longer at the hospital, Bellamy takes Clarke home and it felt too much like old times. She doesn't say a word, sniffling every once in a while and he understands that she might want space, but it wasn't what she _needed._ When he parks in front of her house, she launches herself into his arms from across the divider and holds him close. They were stuck in an awkward angle, with her basically straddling his lap in his small car, but he didn't mind. 

Bellamy lets her silent tears seep into his shirt, holding her close. 

"You need to sleep," He whispers softly, gently cooing in her ear. "I told you I'm not going anywhere." 

He was so determined, so passionate with keeping his promises and she loved him for that. 

"I don't think I can," Clarke felt broken inside, felt like a complete mess inside and out. "I _can't_ just pretend." 

"Do you think he's in a better place?" He knows it's so sudden, so personal, so _fresh_ , but he had to ask. He rubs his hands down her sides, feeling her muscles relax under his touch, and he exhales shakily. Clarke didn't forget that he cared for her father too, and he would've done anything to please him. She takes a moment to think, truly letting herself understand the pain he must've felt for the past two years. 

She nods as best she could while being nuzzled in his neck, the smell of nervous sweat from waiting in the hospital for any news and his citrus shampoo filling her senses. She thinks she could stay in his arms forever, if she could forgive herself for what she did for him. He showed up to support her when she asked after weeks of not talking to him, and that meant more than she'll ever have the strength to admit right now. 

"It's going to be rough to get through this, you know that. You won't be pretending that this didn't happen when you're crying, and can't sleep." Bellamy says in a low tone. "If you get stuck in grief over something out of control, it's going to ruin you. If you believe that he's somewhere better, brighter than this world can ever show you, then he's okay." He pulls back, and his unlocks his car door with the key suddenly clutched in his hands. She freezes, and he finds a way to sooth her every time. "And you'll be okay too because you'll always know how much he loved you." 

_I loved you too, and always will._ She thinks to herself. 

* * *

An entire week. 

He sleeps at her house for an entire week. 

It was Friday night, the lights were turned off in her bedroom with Bellamy holding her before he fell asleep. She didn't mean, or want, to wake him up with her cries as she found herself unable to stop. 

"Clarke?" She turns her head as soon as she hears his hand graze the fabric of her sheets, searching for her warmth in his sleepy daze. The red flashing numbers from her alarm clock said that it was well past two in the morning, but she felt like her sorrow would never end. He rubs at his eyes with a frustrated sigh when he doesn't feel her, trying again. "Clarke?" 

"I'm fine," She tried to assure him, wiping under her eyes. "You could go back to sleep." 

It was worth the effort, but she knew he was too worried and stubborn to listen to her. Clarke lets her feet dangle off the side of the bed, shoulders slumped in defeat over being caught in her own emotional breakdowns. She hated feeling vulnerable when she tries so hard to make sure that people think she's okay, that her every thought hasn't been about her father's last breath. Or the way his fingers weakly gripped onto hers before he muttered his last word, and how much she didn't want to let go. 

The sheets get thrown to the side, and soon enough, he scoots closer to her and reaches for her hand. "Are you okay?" 

Clarke loses her breath, too afraid to lie to someone that means so much to her. 

"I feel like I made a mistake," She bit her quivering lip, looking down at him. 

Bellamy sits up now, and it wasn't long until she felt the bed shift in weight as he sat next to her. He's looking at her with such adoration, with narrowed sleepy eyes as he blinks fast to wake himself up more and he's running his hands through his messy black curls that tempt her to do it for him. 

"You're hurting, Clarke." He sets his hand on her bare thigh, voice rough with sleep. "I'm sorry that I can't do much for you, and it _tears_ me apart that I can't change--" 

"Bell, you're wrong." She shuts him up quickly, sniffling back another wave of tears. She crowns his hand with hers, grabbing his fingers and she continues, " _You_ were my mistake, I shouldn't of let you go when I first found out about my father being sick." 

He looks down at their interlocked hands in her lap, scooting himself an inch closer. "I wanted you back more than anything, I would've tried a lot harder." Bellamy shrugged at the thought, but he wasn't thinking about anything else but the day they broke up. The memory replaying in his head, "I just knew something was wrong, and I didn't want to push you." 

"I loved you more than anyone else in the entire world," Clarke's eyes watered, and Bellamy felt himself begin to drown in the beauty of the girl of his dreams. Even in sorrow, in the worst time period of both of their lives, he felt warmth spread all over his body of her love and explanation of the truth. "I'm sorry I messed up, that I ruined everything." 

Bellamy shook his head, leaning in closer until his lips met her cheek and he pressed against her skin lightly. 

"You don't need to apologize, not after all we've been through." He whispered, and when she didn't stop him, he let his lips trail across her jaw with feather-like presses that made her breath hitch. His lips trail back up to below her right ear, one of his hands reaching up to grab her shoulder and gently guide her back down to the bed. He lays down next to her, breathing heavily as she looks at him with wide eyes. Did he make a mistake? 

"I wanted you to do that for days," She says after a few seconds of silence, managing to smile a little through the pain of everything that's happened this week. Maybe it was a weak attempt on his part, that this wouldn't change anything, but he wanted to try and take away her sorrow for a while. 

"Are you sure?" He leans in, their lips grazing and she gasps with the contact. 

It would be their first kiss, their first time, after a few months apart. 

"Make me feel good," Clarke tells him shakily, and he's busy combing his fingers through her hair that's sprawled out against her pillow. It would be a long road ahead for the both of them, full of more sorrow and memories that won't ever be forgotten, but he just wanted to see her smile and forget about the time they weren't together. She holds her tears back, "I know it won't help, but I love you Bell. I love you so much and you're always the first person I think of to make me smile." 

Bellamy nuzzles his nose against her cheek, taking a moment to breathe her in. "I wanna be that person for you forever." 

His words don't surprise her, because she's always thought of their future together. And she wants anything, everything, _forever_ with him. 

"I love you too," Bellamy whispered, voice full of emotion. "I don't think I'll ever stop." 

"I think my dad knew that too." Clarke tells him with a teary eyed smile growing on her lips. Bellamy makes a broken noise in the back of his throat, defeated of what possible answer he could give her to ease both of their torn hearts. "He loved you too, and I want you to know that." 

Bellamy nods, kissing her on the lips sweetly and he doesn't pull away until he's left panting a minute later. Clarke pouts when he's too far away from her to reach, and when they meet again with her body warm and secure under his weight, she thinks of her father's last words to her about the boy she left. 

_"It's okay to be scared of your heart, baby." Her father squeezes her hand weakly, and she grabs a tissue from his bedside to wipe her tears at the sight of his pale white skin. "But, I remember the way you used to look at Bellamy. How you adored him, and I'm gonna be gone soon, and I want you to keep him around. Keep him forever, if you can." Clarke nods when he asks if she loves him, and he continued after a round of dry coughs. "Then I love him for making you happy."_

"Stay the night?" She mumbled in his ear before moving to kiss down his jaw. 

"I'd never leave," Bellamy said, hand slipping under her shirt to rub her skin with the tips of his fingers. "You have me for a long time." 

She thinks of her father, and how much she misses him, but she's looking towards the future with the memories she has of her family as a whole. 

"Good." Clarke didn't want to cry anymore, so she smiles. 

* * *

* * *

When she walks down the aisle to Bellamy, her mother's hand is intertwined tightly in hers and neither of them could stop crying the happiest of tears. 

She pictures her father's grin, of how proud he would be of everything she's accomplished--and she feels complete. 

When she dances for the first time as someone else’s wife, she has Bellamy's arms wrapped loosely around her waist as they swayed back and forth in the night sky and the smooth sound of their wedding song playing in the background, she lets her head rest against Bellamy's shoulder as her eyes flutter shut in serenity. 

"Are you okay?" He caresses her cheek, pressing his mouth to the side of her head. 

"Perfect." Clarke replied, stepping closer to wrap herself further in his warmth when the breeze passes through the garden. He hums, gladly nurturing her until they're both smiling so wide that their cheeks hurt and everyone seems to notice because she could hear the cameras flash all around them. "I'm so happy right now." 

No matter how warm he made her, she could still feel goosebumps rise on her skin from the wind. She welcomes her father's embrace tightly, letting a few tears slip past her eyes and risk messing up her mascara and she grips the sleeve of Bellamy's jacket. 

"He would be so proud of you, baby." Bellamy knows exactly what to say, and her fingers begin to shake in her tight hold. His head rests on top of hers, oblivious to the braid crown as he continues with a gentle tone to think of his own memories with her father. "I know he would've done--" 

Clarke shakes her head, trying to keep her voice from wavering. "I could _feel_ him here, Bell and I keep trying to imagine how he would feel watching us dance together." 

"I'm a terrible dancer," Bellamy laughs at himself, "I spared everyone the embarrassment of my worst quality." 

"He would've been laughing at you the entire time," Clarke tries to imagine it, and she grins looking up at her husband. He takes her breath away from a second, with how much love he can express with a single look of adoration. He wipes under her eyes from any trace of tears so the crowd doesn't have to see, and she pulls at the cuff of his sleeve before he pulls away to kiss the inside of his wrist. 

"I could feel him too," Bellamy admitted, eyes shining and glossy from holding back his own tears. _God, why were they both so emotional_. "In a strange way, I've felt his presence around the entire day." 

  
"Then, it's a perfect day." Clarke decided, thinking back to the day she lost her father. She thinks about each year that passed after his death, every anniversary and every time Bellamy tried his hardest to make her feel whole again when she lost a piece of herself in that hospital room. "My whole family is in this room, and we're _actually_ married." 

Bellamy pulls her to his chest, right when the song comes to an end and everyone starts clapping. He reaches for her left hand, thumb caressing the ring on her finger as he can't find a reason to look away from the beautiful and strong woman in front of him. 

_"Keep him forever if you can."_

"I'll love you forever," Clarke knows nothing could ever change that. "I promise you that, Bell."


End file.
